A few years ago was on a Train into Surrey and this amazing train driver was doing the announcements. And well they were just superb. Read or listen – your choice, but please enjoy.
Bal-ham
Bal-ham, the gateway to the south. Please change in Bal-ham if you require the tube or stations via Crystal Palace or stations down via Norbury. If you are leaving the train, please do so from the right-hand side as the platform is on the right-hand side here at Bal-ham, the gateway to the south.
Mitcham Eastfields
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, shortly be arriving into magical Mitcham Eastfields, not to be compared with Westfield, which is a shopping centre. This is a train station, a very popular train station. If you are leaving the train here, don’t forget to take yourself with you when you leave the train. Eastfields, of Mitcham.
Mitcham Junction
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the next station stop is the rather magnificent Mitcham Junction, with the junction that’s not here anymore. Please change here at Mitcham Junction if you require those half bus, half train things called trams that go to all local places like Wimbledon and Western Croydon. If you are leaving the train here, please note you need to be in the front seven coaches otherwise, you are not going to be able to get out of the train, you are just going to be looking at a brick wall or some grass. Please do make sure you are in the correct part of the train, the front seven coaches only here at Mitcham Junction. Why not leave the train here and play golf? It’s a marvellous hobby.
Hackbridge
Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, next station stop is for the heroes of Hackbridge. If you’re leaving the train here, once again, you need to be in the front seven coaches only. Otherwise, again, you’re not going to be able to get off the train. Just grass if you look out here and a road cone. If you are leaving the train here, please do mind the incredibly huge gap and step down from the train to the platform, especially if you are right at the front of the train. It’s big. Do not break your ankles. Watch your footings here at Hackbridge, front seven coaches only.
Carshalton
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the next station stop is the more caring side of Carshalton, the one without the beaches. If you’re leaving the train here, make sure you have a jolly good afternoon.
Sutton
Okay. Ladies and gents, boys and girls, we will shortly be arriving into Sutton, with two T’s and an O, a Shopper’s Paradise. Change here at Sutton, with two T’s and an O, cross to Platform 4 if you want to go around towards Wallington, West Croydon, Norbury, and Crystal Palace. Remain on Platform 2 if you want to go around to the other side of Sutton for stations towards St. Helier and Wimbledon. If you are leaving the train here, please make sure you have everything with you, mind the gap, and the step down from the train to the platform. This is your super Sunday Sutton service to Deep East, Dorking.
Cheam
If you’ve done rather well and you’re living the dream, you probably live here. It’s charming, Cheam.
Ewell
All right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the next station on today’s service is the more executive side of Ewell, the Ewell in the East.
If you are leaving the train here, please make sure you are in the front eight coaches of the train, otherwise, you are going to be looking precariously over the road bridge down at the cars below. Scary stuff. Please make sure you are in the front eight coaches only, if you wish to alight here at Ewell East.
Keys to the Ferrari on standby.
Epsom
Boys and girls, mums and dads, friends, relatives, aunts and uncles, the next station on today’s service is exciting Epsom. If you are leaving the train here and you’re right at the very back, please do mind the gap and the step between the train and the platform. Please change here, cross the platform at number four, if you want to go around towards Worcester Park and Wimbledon. If you’re like myself, you are leaving the train here, please do make sure you have everything with you, and do have jolly good afternoon. Somebody else is going to drive you on now, down to deepest Dorking on your Super Sunday Sutton Service. This is exciting Epsom.