Year: 2004

President Bush’s Oatmeal-Chocolate Chunk Cock-up

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Each election year, Family Circle magazine holds an Election Cookie Cock-up to find Americans’ favorite Cock-ups of the election season. This year, President Bush shares a recipe for her delicious Oatmeal-Chocolate Chunk Cock-up. Here’s the recipe:

4 reports from Hans Blix
1 “material breach” of the UN resolution 1441
1 small phial of Anthrax
1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) Niger Uranium, at room temperature
1 link between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaida
6 nights of shock and awe
10,000 dead Iraqi civilians
87,500,000,000 dollars
1 Saddam Hussein
5 instances of POW torture in Abu Ghraib prison
1 Falluja uprising
1 transferred sovereignty
855 dead US soldiers

Heat international climate to 350°. With electric mixer, cream reports, resolution 1441, Anthrax and Niger Uranium. Beat prisoners one at a time, then beat in hearts and minds. Add Saddam, Falluja uprising and shock and awe; slowly beat until country fucked up. Stir-up anti-american hatred. Slowly mould the enitre mess into half arsed solution using 87bn dollars or other peoples money. Bake at 350° for 12 to 15 minutes, until full democracy restored. Export to other middle-east countries.

Mrs. Bush’s Oatmeal-Chocolate Chunk Cookies

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Each election year, Family Circle magazine holds an Election Cookie Cook-off to find Americans’ favorite cookies of the election season. This year, Mrs. Bush shares a recipe for her delicious Oatmeal-Chocolate Chunk cookies. Here’s the recipe:

1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) butter, at room temperature
1 cup sugar 1 1/2 cups light-brown sugar
3 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla
3 cups flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
3 cups quick oats (not old-fashioned)
2 cups chopped walnuts
1 1/2 packages (8 ounces each) chocolate chunks (3 cups)
2 cups coarsely chopped dried sour cherries

Heat oven to 350°. With electric mixer, cream butter and both sugars. Beat in eggs one at a time, then beat in vanilla. Add flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and oats; slowly beat until blended. Stir in walnuts, chocolate and cherries. Drop by tablespoonfuls onto cookie sheet covered with parchment paper. Bake at 350° for 12 to 15 minutes, until golden brown. Makes about 8 dozen.

Tin

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Newsflash: Police have launched an investigation after violence erupted in the Big Brother house in the early hours – sparked of by the return of Michelle and Emma from the bedsit. link

Booze appears to be to blame, as the case in the recent rioting in Portugal.

So why are us English so f***ing violent after hitting the sauce? The french could drink us under the table but are nowhere near as nasty when tanked up…I think this needs investigation, and what better way than via the blog.

More soon……

Euip

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Eurosceptic parties across the EU were celebrating an election triumph last night.

The president of the European parliament, Pat Cox told Today: “We are looking at perhaps 40 [Eurosceptic MEPs], maybe a bit less, maybe a bit more. That is about one-fourteenth of the total parliament.

So that means that most discussions are going to be pretty wierd in Brussels.

Ukip: We don’t want to be here.
Civic Democrats (Czech Republic): Nor do we, good point Ukip.
FolkeBevaegelsen Mod EU (Denmark): We agree, you guys rock!
Hans-Peter Martin (Austria): Me too, hey who fancies a cocktail?

Infact I think a Eurosceptic EU parliment may be quite harmonious. You never know they may all get on.

The Low Involvement Processing Model

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1. Most consumers believe most reputable brands perform similarly.
2. Consequently they choose brands not on rational grounds but according to subconscious “markers”.
3. They pay little conscious attention to advertising.
4. Active learning, or high involvement processing, produces enduring attitude changes.
5. However, most of us tend to process most media passively.
6. Despite appearances TV is a relatively low attention medium.
7. Advertisers try to get around this with attention-getting devices.
8. However, consumers’ perceptual filtering blocks these except where they are integrated with the message of the ad.
9. Information can be acquired passively by implicit learning, a subsconscious process that uses automatic processing and feeds into implicit memory.
10. Such memory stores perceptions and simple concepts only.
11. Info can also be acquired semi-consciously via shallow processing. Together shallow and automatic processing make up low involvement processing.
12. Most ads are processed using low involvement processing.
13. Implicitly learned perceptual and conceptual elements are stored as associations with the brand.
14. Implicit learning is used every time you see or hear an ad irrespective of how much conscious attenion you give it or whether you love or loathe it.
15. Ads processed with high involvement are outnumbered by up to 50 times by low involvement ads.
16. Implicit memory, though building more slowly than explicit memory, it is more durable.
17. If a brand association triggers an emotional marker, consumers can be strongly influenced towards the brand without realising it.

Source: The Hidden Power of Advertising (Admap)

NLip

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WestLahndan

Seeing as its Election day (Local, Mayoral and European) and the faint whiff of xenophobia is in the air it seems right for me to write about my own attempt of cultural exchange in this torrid time – yes I visited west london.

As a native North Londoner, going to any of the other ‘quadrants’ is quite a feat (both mentally and technically). Of course I made sure I had my passport, malaria shots and insurance before getting on the Circle line en-route to Earls Court, but all in all it was a wonderful experience. Once I had clawed my way through the throng of 4×4 driving, Burberry wearing throng, I found that much of the experience was actually quite pleasant.

For some reason (and I am sure this occurs in most major cities), people tend to become quite tribal when living in London and will associate themselves with one of the 4 quadrants; west, east, North and south (salf). Indeed most of it is banter, yet sometimes this can descend into horrible stereotyping and myth creating (as most of this Blog is demonstrating in an almost Kilroy-esque way).

The reason for under-taking such a trip was to see a friend perform at the ‘Troubadour’ cafe. An excellent place with some excellent bands; Fireworks Party, The Light Years, Jamie Russell, Southpaw and Erik Windrich.

Much enjoyed. I think I might review my London containment. Next week east lahndan. Love a duck. Ooops maybe need a little longer.

Troy McClure Filmography

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Movies
Cry Yuma
Here Comes The Coast Guard
Preacher With A Shovel (with Dolores Montenegro)
The Revenge of Abe Lincoln
The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West
Calling All Quakers (with Dolores Montenegro)
Gladys The Groovy Mule
Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die
Dial M For Murderousness
The Erotic Adventures of Hercules
P is for Psycho
The President’s Neck is Missing!
The Boatjacking of Supership 79
Hydro: the Man With the Hydraulic Arms
Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great ‘Frisco Freak-Out
Muppets Go Medieval (1977) (with Dyan Cannon and The Muppets)
The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed
They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall
Meet Joe Blow
Give My Remains to Broadway
The Verdict Was Mail Fraud
Leper in the Backfield
Make-Out King of Montana
The Electric Gigolo
The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel
David Vs. Super Goliath
Suddenly, Last Supper

TV Series
Troy and Company’s Summertime Smile Factory
Buck Henderson, Union Buster
Handle With Care
The Springfield Squares
Impulse Buying Network (IBN)
Christmas Ape (cartoon)
Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp (cartoon)
Son of Sanford and Son
After Mannix

TV Specials
(host) Miss American Girl Pageant
(host) Carnival of the Stars
The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
(Fox Network Special) Alien Nose Job
(Fox Network Special) Five Fabulous Weeks of “The Chevy Chase Show”
The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
I Can’t Believe They Invented It!
The Candy Bar That Cleans Teeth
Eyeball Whitener
Spiffy, the 21st Century Stain Remover
The Juice Loosener

Educational films
Fuzzy Bunny’s Guide To You-Know-What
Here Comes The Metric System
Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly
60 Minutes of Car Crash Victims
Alice’s Adventures through the Windshield Glass
The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot
Pepsi Presents Fractions
Meat Council film : Meat And You: Partners in Freedom
Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun
Firecrackers: The Silent Killer
Shoplifters BEWARE
Designated Drivers: The Lifesaving Nerds
Phony Tornado Alerts Reduce Readiness
Young Jebidiah Springfield
Locker Room Towel Fights : The Blinding of Larry Driscoll

Videos
(Self-Help) Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat (with Brad Goodman)
(Self-Help) Get Confidence, Stupid!
(Self-Help) Smoke Yourself Thin
(DIY) The Half-Assed Guide to Foundation Repair
(DIY) Dig Your Own Grave and Save
(DIY) Mothballing Your Battleship

Telethons
Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House
Out With Gout ’88
Springfield Public Television Telethon

Informational films/kiosks
Ah! Fudge chocolate factory introductory video
Introductory video to Rancho Relaxo
Voice-over for the Duff Gardens commercial
Pepsi Presents Addition and Subtraction
Springfield Knowledgeum Introductory Film
Welcome to Springfield Airport
Where’s Nordstrom?

Miscellaneous appearances/products
(singing) We’re Sending our Love Down the Well
(celebrity funeral) Herschel Shmoikel Krustofski, (Krusty The Clown)
(celebrity funeral) Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye
(celebrity funeral) Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge
(musical) Stop the Planet of the Apes : I Want To Get Off!
(fragrance) Smellin’ of Troy

Not very Emin(ent)

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So our Trace isn’t very happy about the ‘Public Sniggering’ at the loss of art in the recent blaze at Momart, infact she is outraged.

Speaking yesterday, Emin said: “What has really upset me isn’t the loss of the work, it is the reaction by the British public. ‘Good riddance to bad art’, the general public sniggering on an audience like [BBC Radio 4’s]Any Questions.”

She continues

“I am not saying they have to understand it. What I am saying is don’t laugh at it when it all burns down in a fire. That is just not fair and it is not funny. It is not polite and it is bad manners. I would never laugh at a disaster like that.”

However I am sure the public would be much more upset if the artists didn’t have certain attitudes towards their own work. Attitudes that seem to be saying to the audience, ‘fuck you’. The nature of most modern British art is one of self-negation, destruction and throw away. Is it any wonder that when the art is literally thrown away the British public (with somewhat a penchant for irony) find the result a little funny?

Emin was once was quoted as saying “The other day I hated my art so much I wanted to smash it, like you abuse a faithful lover.”?

Also ‘I need art like I need God’. I am not sure of Emin’s religious beliefs, but this ambiguous quote seems to suggest both that she needs art and does not need art, depending on the audiences religious viewpoint.

Yet “For years, I made religious art”, Emin declares “Then I destroyed it, I did, like, a thousand drawings of Jesus being crucified; I was very interested in Mary Magdalene, I did drawings of her at His feet; I did the Wedding Feast at Cana, and John the Baptist’s hand – just his hand. And I did lots of Depositions”.

So it appears she is somewhat religious but at the same time destroys the art associated with it. Hmmm, again an almost paradoxical quote. She herself seems to be obsessed with the destruction of her own work, and indeed the destruction of the idea behind it.

I may be wrong but it seems to me that the meaning is not lost on the British public, infact I think they get the concepts extremely well, possibly better than Emin?

Anyway, maybe we are all philistines in this country, maybe we are not, maybe we just find the idea that self-destructive work has been destroyed by matters out of the artist’s hands just a little funny.

So, lets us finish here with a quote from Emin:

“I do not believe that at this moment in time, if that changes in years to come I don’t know, but what happens here today and changes as we go along that is part of life’s learning and part of your inner beliefs.”

Clear things up for you?

Proving art by anti-art

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So the art has literally consumed itself. On Wednesday a warehouse fire destroyed more than 100 artworks from Charles Saatchi’s famous collection. Works such as Tracy Emin’s tent and works by Damien Hirst and Sarah Lucas were also destroyed.

Of course any piece of creative work destroyed is always distressing, yet when work of this particular ilk is lost , I can’t but help thinking that it is somewhat ironic. Much of this style of work thrives on the conceptual basis of anti-art, takes its lead from our throw-away culture and planned obscelescense. It is in its own admission somewhat of a fraud, placing much less emphasis on the importance of the object and much more on the concept. So does it really matter that the actual work has been destroyed? Does it in any way enhance the work?

Baudrillard:

“Operational negativity, of all those scenarios of deterrence which, like Watergate, try to regenerate a moribund principle by simulated scandal, phantasm, murder-a sort of hormonal treatment by negativity and crisis. It is always a question of proving the real by the imaginary, proving truth by scandal, proving the law by transgression, proving work by the strike, proving the system by crisis and capital by revolution.”

If anything if you could salvage any charred, melted, fused works could they not in fact increase in value due the works pre-disposal to scandal and self-destruction? A kind of mega-art (that finally has some narrative). I look forward to the first show – ‘Inferno’.

Of course the artists are very upset by the destruction, understandably, but are the tears for the work simply for the lack of control? Could it be that the destruction of art, the negating of the concepts of traditional art needs to be controlled just as much by Tracey Emin as Michael Angelo controlled the brush.

“Everything is metamorphosed into its inverse in order to be perpetuated in its purged form. Every form of power, every situation speaks of itself by denial, in order to attempt to escape, by simulation of death, its real agony.”

Again Baudrillard babbling away. But interesting point, simulation of death, not actual death (or burnt to a crisp). The simulacrum has been distorted by real world events, and bought crashing down to earth. The works power seemed to be in the simulation of death, or more accurately, the ‘I could have done that’ concept so often cited by the public at these works.

So what now for art, will this have an effect? Will people move away from the self-destruction of art, or move ever more closely to hyper-reality to avoid such an event again?

Essentially its all a load of tosh. Burn’t tosh

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